if you ever try to befriend me and you expect to be in frequent contact with me i am so sorry. i do that with maybe two people and even then i often go days or weeks withouts saying anything before talking daily for a while.
the point is if we dont talk that doesnt mean i dont like u and think about u a lot im just terrible at maintaining close relationships
Today, what made me happy was the amount of housework I was able to do given the state of my health.
I’m happy because I did a few artsy creative things and that was really nice. I enjoyed it.
I’m also happy because I took the maximum dose for me of my anti-anxiety meds today for the first time in ages, and I realised later on that my haphephobia was actually not acting out and I was sat cuddling my partner’s little brother without any massive reaction. That is just so massive, especially given his current age range & my triggers.
Today, I am thankful for R, my partner’s little brother, who is just amazing. At only 9 years old he is one of the most understanding, compassionate and just all round lovely humans I know.
I’m also thankful for my friends, in particular Faelyn & Bourbon. Even without doing anything, they both make me feel like my life is something worth fighting for and that is the biggest, most valuable gift I have ever been given.
I know it’s been a while since I posted here, but I often get spooked by things - usually my own mind - and then get overwhelming feelings of being unsafe. When that happens, I tend to vanish from here and that may be really irritating if you’re a follower, but it’s the only way to stop me from driving myself into utter insanity and a complete paranoid and delusional break down.
I hope you’re all ok. I’ve noticed a lot of the blogs I follow are now no longer recovery blogs. I really hope that that is because you no longer see yourselves as recovering but as recovered
I am ok. A bit unstable and a lot of stormy seas in the system, but I’m sure we can get through it. It’s what we do best.
My Fibromyalgia has been awful today, but I’ve still managed to have a relatively successful day which is something I am incredibly proud of. It’s hard, when your pain is bad, to focus on anything but I managed - by breaking things down into tiny tasks to get quite a lot done including some self care.
Tomorrow I’m going to try and go swimming with my little brother. I’m anxious because I’m struggling with dysmorphia but it’s something I want to try and just close my eyes and get through.
I’m exhausted now, so going to try and get comfortable. I hope everyone’s ok.
My friend recovermydreams is kind of my recovery buddy, and its something that I find really helpful.
We discuss our goals, and things we would like to do to improve our lives - be that physical health, money wise, in our households etc - and then try to keep the other accountable without too much pressure.
It’s really nice. For example, earlier this week I set us both a goal to do one page in our me books by the end of the week. We weren’t sure what to do, but through discussions I was able to point out something fae had done and could record and then later on fae was able to point out a reminder I needed in terms of the expectations I have for myself that I could add in my book.
It’s really nice being able to do this with someone, especially someone who understands your struggles, who has down times and times when they just cannot deal with recovery. It’s nice because there is accountability and support without pressure.
Our new group aim is to do a minimum of one page per week in our books. I think it’s a really good one because it’s achievable. I’m feeling pretty good about it right now.