spell your name in my ask PLEASE :)

  • A. WHY MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED.
  • B. FAVORITE BAND.
  • C. WHO I LIKE AND WHY I LIKE THEM.
  • D. HARDEST THING I’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH.
  • E. MY BEST FRIEND.
  • F. MY FAVORITE MOVIE.
  • G. FAVORITE PLACE.
  • H. FAVORITE THING ABOUT MYSELF.
  • I. HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
  • J. WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GET OLDER.
  • K. RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS.
  • L. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES.
  • M. ICE CREAM OR COOKIES?
  • N. FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP AT?
  • O. MY EYE COLOUR.
  • P. WHY I HATE SCHOOL.
  • Q. RELATIONSHIP STATUS AS OF RIGHT NOW.
  • R. FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT.
  • S. A RANDOM FACT ABOUT MYSELF.
  • T. AGE I GET MISTAKEN FOR.
  • U. WHERE I WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW.
  • V. LAST TIME I CRIED.
  • W. CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO.
  • X. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF (…)?
  • Y. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE.
  • Z. HOW ARE YOU

Sometimes I feel like I don’t really exist, like I’m just an empty shell with no real substance.

I’m so used to having a co-host, to having others there around me that I fear I’d disappear and just be a nothing without them.

For example, when Ker was host and I was co-host I was a lot more friendly and bubbly and sociable. Then I took over and Myka was co-host and I was a lot more quiet and reserved and shy I guess. Basically whoever is around affects me so much that I don’t think I actually exist as anything in my own right. I feel like I’m just a sponge and when the others aren’t there, I’m just like a robot awaiting instructions.

Meh.

-casually freaks out after accidentally posting to this blog instead of our private system one-

Today I’m happy because I got to go to this beautiful place. 

We swam and played and nearly every member of our system was out at some point. 

I am happy because we stood up for ourselves and I stood up for myself which never happens and isn’t easy for me at all. 

I also removed someone from my Facebook who had been making me really distressed and anxious because she took everything I said personally. Even though she has been a friend offline, I realised I can’t deal with it so I removed her and explained why. 

I’m thankful for where I live and that I’ve got so many beautiful and relaxing places so close by. I’m thankful for G & R (Ri’s sister and brother) who are 11 & 9 and more understanding & accepting than most adults. I love them so much.

Today I’m happy because I got to go to this beautiful place.

We swam and played and nearly every member of our system was out at some point.

I am happy because we stood up for ourselves and I stood up for myself which never happens and isn’t easy for me at all.

I also removed someone from my Facebook who had been making me really distressed and anxious because she took everything I said personally. Even though she has been a friend offline, I realised I can’t deal with it so I removed her and explained why.

I’m thankful for where I live and that I’ve got so many beautiful and relaxing places so close by. I’m thankful for G & R (Ri’s sister and brother) who are 11 & 9 and more understanding & accepting than most adults. I love them so much.

"I don’t care about losing people who don’t wanna be in my life anymore. I’ve lost people who meant the world to me and I’m still doing just fine."
colour-me-creative:

New ‘Be creative’ Drawing

colour-me-creative:

New ‘Be creative’ Drawing

When you’re trying hard to recover and you have friends who are unwell and not recovery motivated, its really difficult.

Is it mean to tell someone you can’t deal with them until they’re better?

That’s the debate that’s floating around my head currently. If someone said it to me I would be so upset and angry. I’m not sure if I would ever want to be friends with them again. That said, now I’m in this position, I do kind of understand why someone may make that decision.

It’s just so much harder when you’re unwell too, and when you’re trying to climb out of a hole and there are people in the hole pulling you back in even if its unintentional.

I just don’t know what to do. Knowing that this person also has BPD & knowing how BPD can completely warp your judgement, I feel like I should be more sympathetic, but it isn’t easy at all. I am struggling to find that sympathy and I am getting wound up instead.

What do you guys think? Either as someone in recovery or someone who is very unwell. Is there a way to keep yourself safe that won’t result in some kind of drama or “bad person” feelings?

Today, my littles playing with my little brother and sister in law and perririri made me happy.

Also being able to hold Kadian back from ripping someone a new one is making me happy even though it’s not easy  

Today I’m grateful for positive relationships in my life.

Today, my littles playing with my little brother and sister in law and perririri made me happy.

Also being able to hold Kadian back from ripping someone a new one is making me happy even though it’s not easy

Today I’m grateful for positive relationships in my life.