It’s been a strange day. I went to bed quite annoyed, which is unusual for me. This morning, I really, really struggled to wake up which hasn’t happened for quite a while, but when I did finally wake up I was in agony. I was struggling with pain yesterday, but today was just so much worse.

I decided to go to the local dog picnic despite that, and I went on crutches. My friend had brought a lounger type chair so I was practically laid down the whole day, and I took my maximum allowance of painkillers too so it wasn’t too bad.

My head’s been really quiet though, and we’ve only switched once, twice maybe, which is extremely rare and weird for us. I just hate the silence. I can’t really see inside either, it’s kind of grainy and weird. I don’t know what’s causing it but it’s making me really anxious. I really don’t cope well alone.

Today going to a dog picnic to raise funds for abused and homeless dogs made me happy.

Completing another book made me happy, and also starting yet another made me even happier.

I’m thankful today for my 2 beautiful fur children, that they are safe and loved and for all they give me.

Just like that my day sinks again.

I am so fed up and I’m even more irritated and fed up with people doing things that they know upset me then smirking and acting like I’m overreacting.

I seriously want to walk out right now and never fucking come back.

Today, what made me happy was when I was when I was really panicked and freaking out this morning, my other half gave me a hug and I ended up falling asleep on him for 6 hours!

Also having people who are understanding and can put up with my bizarre brain makes me happy, and they are what I’m thankful for

I went back to sleep, and just woke up (~3pm) and I feel a little better. I still feel really insecure, paranoid and panicky, but not quite to the level that I did earlier.

I really, really hate that feeling. Everyone and everything feels unsafe and out to get you and its just horrible and so scary. I feel so pathetic for getting like this. I know its OK to feel whatever you feel, but I can’t help buy judge myself harshly and feel disgusted with being this "weak"

At least I feel a little better, so I’m going to try and leave the house so I can take my phone to the shop for repair. I don’t want to be out but I’m going to try and push myself a little. Its probably not a great idea, but we’ll see. I just don’t want to be this anymore, because I know the next stage is going to be isolation and pushing everyone away and I don’t want to do that any more.
A message from Anonymous
Blu, I miss you..

I’m not sure who you are but there are a few people I miss too & I suspect you could be one of those. Pm me off anon if you’d like to, lovely anonnie mouse.

Floored

This morning I am almost floored with regret, sadness, paranoia, distrust, suspicion, and irritation.

There are so many things that I can file under those categories that I won’t even bother beginning to try and list them all. I struggled to sleep, and woke up with my phone clutched tightly in my hand and a half written message at one point. I’ve tried several times to go back to sleep but I can’t. I can’t even get up. I’m just laid in bed, paralysed by the waves of emotions that are washing over me, unable to do anything except just feel it all.

I think I need to take some time away from the internet today, maybe for a few more days to pause and try to pick myself up and process those feelings. I’ll probably still post here though, but I may not be anywhere else.

I got a wave of paranoia and anxiety a while after I spoke briefly about something to my friend. I was fine discussing it, I instigated it, but not long after I just panicked.

I spoke to fae about it and I didn’t feel threatened by fae, but its my default reaction every time I tell someone about our system or trauma or something. Still, it was nice to have the reassurance and to know that fae reacts that way sometimes too. I feel quite lucky to have friends who understand my random and erratic emotional spikes.

It ended up OK, and I don’t feel so panicky or anxious, but I’m still incredibly dissociated, and I’m also exhausted.

I’ve been distracting myself by writing about our inner world. I feel very lucky to be able to go in to parts of our world, but writing it all down just made me feel in awe of my amazing brain and what it’s created in the name of survival. Its pretty fantastic.

Anyway, I’m going to try and sleep. I’m really not feeling too good at the moment due to pain and a body memory that has been hanging around for over a day.

Speak to you all tomorrow.

You guys rock. Night night!/Good Morning (its 5:35am!)

disneyvillainsforjustice:

vaporware-femme:

theragin-cajun:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts follow Ultrafacts

ok this annoys the crap out of me, firstly the font in question costs a fortune, secondly no link to something that can change a persons life as it did mine, so here lemme fix both of those:http://opendyslexic.org/Open Source Dyslexia is a FREE font that is designed in a similar fashion as in weighting the letters, it is also being constantly updated, yer welcome

Hi for all of my disability friends, please bookmark opendyslexic this is a really great project! Tell your friends c:

As a heavy supporter of Open Souce, this makes me very, VERY happy indeed. Please take a look at OpenDyslexic and consider using it, especially if you know dyslexic people!Also, fuck people trying to privatize and monetize even the most basic disability or life resources. Fuck ‘em with an incendary cactus.~Oogie Boogie

I’m interested to know whether this can help our Alaina. She’s severely dyslexic and she gets really frustrated by it. We must look into it tomorrow.

disneyvillainsforjustice:

vaporware-femme:

theragin-cajun:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts follow Ultrafacts

ok this annoys the crap out of me, firstly the font in question costs a fortune, secondly no link to something that can change a persons life as it did mine, so here lemme fix both of those:

http://opendyslexic.org/

Open Source Dyslexia is a FREE font that is designed in a similar fashion as in weighting the letters, it is also being constantly updated, yer welcome

Hi for all of my disability friends, please bookmark opendyslexic this is a really great project! Tell your friends c:

As a heavy supporter of Open Souce, this makes me very, VERY happy indeed. Please take a look at OpenDyslexic and consider using it, especially if you know dyslexic people!

Also, fuck people trying to privatize and monetize even the most basic disability or life resources. Fuck ‘em with an incendary cactus.

~Oogie Boogie

I’m interested to know whether this can help our Alaina. She’s severely dyslexic and she gets really frustrated by it.

We must look into it tomorrow.

I should be asleep but perririri & I are listening to music & just jamming.

I was doing some system mapping, and then talking to recovermydreams about some system things.

I don’t really want to sleep. I probably should, but I feel really content and I just want to try and enjoy it while it lasts.

Especially as I’ve been a little distracted by a specific body memory today, I’m just glad for this feeling of calm where I’m not obsessing over it.